Trusting God...

Okay so I sent in my first big chunk of money and I'm working on my second one, but I have to be honest... I'm a little worried because it's been a good week since I've gotten anymore in! I'm really trying to trust God with everything, though. I know He is going to provide! It's just so hard to stay positive sometimes and I get so caught up in day-to-day things that I forget to spend time with him and talk to him about things! But the other night we were having worship outside at Bethany Gunn's house, and the weather was so amazingly perfect!!! And for the first time in a long time I really felt God's presence. I felt Him touch my cheek and He said "Trust Me." And can I just tell you how much I love it when He does that kind of stuff? Because, it's so romantic! I swear, my heart skipped a beat! I can't imagine a man on this earth that could touch me like that and say anything to me and take my breath away like He does! He doesn't exist!! God is just too good! He just knows when I need him the most, doesn't he? So, I'm continuing to learn to trust Him with everything! And I'm trying to remember that He has always been faithful to me, and He always will be.

I'm kind of discouraged today. Just about everything, I guess. Money, friends, family, life... I don't know. It's kind of hard when you realize that everything you thought was so important just isn't anymore. And I guess I should have realized that by now. I think you just have days, you know? I missed Jace today... but when do I not? Sometimes I get into the swing of life and it's almost like I forget. But reality is always there to remind me. And it's nothing you can really explain. You just see his perfect little face in your mind and the memories play back like a movie clip, over and over... and all you want to do is curl up with a blanket, and you think that maybe if you lay there long enough you'll be able to smell him again or remember what his little giggle was like. Because what in the world could be any better than that? Im just trying to embrace all the good things I still have. I have my Courtsie and the rest of my family that loves and cares about me. But what is it about pain that seems to lock you in this place where no matter how hard you try, it seems like you just can't stop thinking about that one thing that you lost? That one person... that sweet baby boy. Will it ever go away? Part of me, I think, hopes not! Because I don't want to forget even an inch of him. And I don't think I ever will. How could I? How could anyone that ever looked into his icy blue eyes? So I'm trusting you, God. With the small things and the big ones.... but no one said it was going to be easy.