I missed my boy yesterday. Sometimes I just have days when no matter what I do I can't get his precious face out of my mind. And the memories are still so fresh. Part of me hopes they always stay that way. I remember every inch of him. What it felt like to hold him in my arms. But when I look back, it was more like he was holding me. Especially that last day in the swimming pool. I held him for what felt like an eternity! And no matter what, I will never forget the feeling of his little body relaxing into mine. He trusted me. He needed me. And so often, now, I find myself needing him. In fact even when he was here I'd have days that I would get this longing to hold him or even just kiss him. So, I'd make my way to Lydia's house and I'd stay there for hours lying on the floor with him, helping feed him, or putting his jammies on him. (Jammies are my favorite!) And I think thats when it hurts the most. When I get that longing, just like before... only he's not here anymore. I ran into a girl the other day that I hadn't seen in probably a year and she asked me "How's Jace?" And right there in the middle of McAlister's I had to say what is forever on my mind, out loud. The words seemed to sort of slap me in the face. "He passed away in July." It's like, I'm always thinking about that fact... But it does something to you when you have to say it. And it doesn't seem like enough. Like it would have been more appropriate to scream it or start balling right there because that sentence can't even begin to express the reality of my every day. And if this is the reality of my every day then I can't imagine what it's like for my sister and brother-in-law. And that thought, alone, brings me to my knees in awe of their strength and courage! I can't say how proud I am of them. And I look at them and it just blows me away. That through our "little healer" God is graciously healing our hearts. Because no matter how good we think we're doing there is always something that needs healing. So today God is comforting me. And in the midst of all of this pain... He is still good.