One Year...

One year ago, today I kissed Jace Richard goodbye. If someone had told me that day that I was going to make it, I don't think I would have believed them. Thinking back to that last day, (July, 4th 2008) I can remember the last time I held him in my arms, the last time I fed him, the last time I kissed his sweet lips... and the pain is still so heavy. My favorite part about that day was holding him so close in the water and dancing around in circles til he fell asleep with his little arms around me. Not a day has gone by, this whole year, that I didn't think about that baby boy. I would give just about anything to hear his sweet voice again, or smell his little scent. I can still see him in his "Dream Boat" jammies, and I'll never forget what it felt like to lay with him right up next to me. Being "Aunt Beth" is probably one of the most important things to me. And being JACE'S "Aunt Beth" was my favorite thing, Period. I can't put into words, what God has done in me as I look back on his life. He made me brave. That little boy was stronger and more courageous than anyone I have ever met in my life! If it weren't for him, I truly don't believe that I would have had the guts to do something like YWAM. And as painful as this last year has been, God has once again, in a way I cannot even begin to explain, proved Himself faithful. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. So thank you my sweet Jesus, for carrying me through... ALL of us! And thank you Jace for giving me the opportunity to be your "Aunt Beth", and for making me brave. We love and miss you so very much.

Garage Sale Success!

Well, the garage sale was this last Friday and I owe my mom and sisters and my niece and nephew a BIG THANK YOU! But especially me niece and nephew! ;) It was super hot, but we toughed it out until 2:00, and we made exactly $300! God is so good! So that puts me at $715 paid towards my outreach phase, leaving me with $3,000 to go! It will come! My sister, Lydia, recently started selling Scentsy, so she is helping  me throw a Scentsy party, where she will explain how the products work and everyone will have an opportunity to smell all the different scents and make orders! All the proceeds will go to me, for YWAM!! Were just coming up with all kinds of ideas, aren't we?! So that will be July 10th! I will be sending invitations out this weekend!  

God has been doing quite a lot in me! There have been a lot of hard changes in the past couple weeks, and three weeks from yesterday it will be one year ago that we lost our Sweet Jace Richard. 

It has been a very hard year. At times I wandered if I would even make it. "Grace mixed with faith and love poured over me and into me. And all because of Jesus." 1 Timothy 1:14 And thats the only way we ALL made it! Jace is a part of my every day. I miss him every minute. And I think it will always be that way. But thats okay with me! Day after day, God is more and more faithful to me! And I am so thankful for Him and for every one of my amazing family members! I couldn't do it without Courtsie...

Or my Jett Richard, he reminds me so much of Jace...

 

Honestly, I couldn't do it without ANY of my family! It's a hard thing, and it sucks. But, believe it or not, God is still good. He still takes me by the hand and leads me daily. He blesses me constantly, with people who love and care about me. And no matter where I go or what I do, He loves me. He is going to be with me every minute of everyday, whether I feel him or not! And what more could I ask for? 

Lecture Phase PAID FOR!!!!

"But how can people call for help if they don't know who to trust? And how can they know who to trust if they haven't heard of the One who can be trusted? And how can they hear if nobody tells them?" Romans 10:14

Well, the garage sale is this Friday from 7:00 am to 3:00 pm! (Tomorrow morning!!!) I'm hoping we will make a good amount of money to maybe even pay off the rest of my fees for YWAM! I know God will come through! I spoke with one of the ladies today and my balance is $3,515! How good is God?? That means that my Lecture Phase is PAID FOR!! And $415 of my Outreach Phase is paid for!! So that leaves about $3,500 to go!! I know we can do it! 

Though I have been through my fair share of changes in the past five years, (and still have many more to come, I'm sure!) that has to be one of my biggest struggles right now. We sent my big brother off last week to fight for our country, and it's hard. It's hard to think about what it was like when we were all younger and playing silly games together... and hard to think about all the possibilities of what could happen. 

But it always seems to go back to trusting God, trusting God in every aspect of life. And, I think, often times I forget how blessed I am to even be living this amazing life! So I am thanking Him for every minute, here, with the ones I love... and trusting Him, with the small things AND the big ones! Thank you guys so much for reading and being a part! Hope to see you tmrw!!!

Not a little girl...

I am continuing to recognize all that God is doing to prepare me for YWAM. It seems like all the people and things that I cling to the most and depend upon have begun to slowly slip away... and its a little bittersweet. It's so overwhelming to think about the future. Where I'll be after YWAM, what I'll do when I  get home, meeting someone, getting married... what will it all look like? Lately, I've really been asking myself "Who does God want me to be?" And I know, with everything in me, that I want to do whatever it is that He has planned. It's just a little scary to think about what it might cost me. And, I'm just going to be honest, at times, I wish I was ten again... dancing around in my favorite hand-me-down, lace dress and pretending to be a bride. When my deepest concern was whether I was going to get to spend the night with my best friend, or not! I miss those days... when pain was scraping my knee and fear was the spider on my bedroom floor. As you grow older you realize that there are much worse things than not having a date for the Christmas dance or not being nominated "Most Likely to Succeed". Honestly, who really even cares? There comes a time when you look closer and realize that it doesn't matter. And I guess, whether I like it or not, I'm growing up. I'm ready to focus my everyday around Him, and bring glory to His Name in everything I do. Just be praying for me, and my jumble of emotions! There is so much going on! I can't exactly make sense of ANY of it! But what I do know is that God is STILL good! 

"For God gave us a spirit not of fear, but of power and love and self-control." (2 Timothy 1:7)

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:6-9)

Don't forget!!! My garage sale is going to be June 19th and possibly the 20th, as well! If you have anything to donate please call me!!! Even if you have nothing to donate I would love it if everyone would try and stop by... you never know what you might find!! Thanks so much for being a part!

Halfway There!!!

Well I had a graduation party on Saturday and God worked miracles!!! I received, all together, $1,100 towards YWAM! Which brings me to $3,440! So my first half is payed for! Praise Jesus!! Now the most I will have to raise is $3,000 for the outreach phase! Which I know God will provide! I've started a little savings account,too, that I will use while I'm gone for living costs... Activities, gas, and any other needs I might have! It's all coming together. And it seems to be coming SO fast! There is so much going on, but this seems to be the biggest thing for me right now! I'm trying so hard to prepare for it in every way I possibly can! Physically, Mentally, Spiritually, and Emotionally. There is so much to do! But I'm having a blast! I can't tell you how precious every minute with my family is to me right now! 

Andrew leaves for Iraq in 15 days! And I can't believe he will be gone for a year! I can still remember playing silly little games with him and doing crazy things!! He always knew how to make me laugh... and still does!! I couldn't ask for a better big brother. There are so many times that I look at him and hope that, someday, the man I marry will be something like him. He's so big and strong, and when I'm with him I'm never afraid. He's always on time! :) He is always willing to listen. And he is one of my favorite people to talk to about music; He always knows of fun new songs that I haven't heard! I'm going to miss him very much and I'm praying that God will prepare him for where he's going and what he'll see. I trust that God will bring him home, safe to us! 

My Courty Serene is probably my favorite girl in the world! I took her on a date not too long ago and on the way home she said to me "Beth, your my very best friend. And I love you so so so much!" I cannot tell you what that does to my heart!! I love that girl more than I could have ever imagined! And every minute with her has become so precious to me! I don't know what I will do without her for six months! I don't know what I will do without any of my family for six months!! And when I think about it, a small part of me panics! But the other part of me gets butterflies, you know, like you do when someone you like walks past you or smiles at you. Because I am so excited to see what God is going to do! And I can't wait to spend all that time with my One and Only!! I think about my future and all that He has in store, and I'm so excited that none of it has even started!! Like when you get to the very top of a roller coaster, and you know that your about to go down and it's going to be the most amazing ride of your life! And your a little scared and you might feel a little sick at your stomach, but for a split second your so excited that you have this whole ride in front of you! That it's only just begun! That's where I feel like God has me! And I can't wait to go on this journey with Him!

Garage sale!!!

We are trying to put together a garage sale for the first or second weekend in June!! And ANYTHING will help!! I'm hoping to just gather a bunch of random stuff and put it all out there with some signs that say what we're raising money for! So hopefully that goes well!! We sent out my graduation announcements and since then, I've gotten a little bit more money! I'm not quite sure exactly what number we're at yet... but I will figure it and put it up as soon as I can! I'm getting more and more excited! And God is doing so much! I just wish I could feel him a little more sometimes... I get so distracted with everyday things and trying to balance my time with family and friends and work. So I've just been praying that He would help me to find a good way to make time to spend with Him! I still just love knowing that even when He feels far away, He's always so close! I know He has a plan, even in my relationship with Him. I have so far to go!! And that makes it kind of exciting!! I can't imagine what kind of amazing things He will do in me while I'm gone! I can't wait to see all the ways He reveals himself to me! That part is what I'm looking forward to the most! Kind of like a long awaited date with my sweet Jesus! A six month long date! I can't wait to see where He takes me! Keep praying!!

Growing up...

 This last friday I turned 18!! I can’t believe I’m actually an adult!! I know it sounds cheesey, but it’s a little scary that I’m growing up! I still feel like a little girl! I’m not sure that I’m ready to make my own decisions and be my own person!? It’s so weird to feel like all of the sudden your not a kid anymore. It makes me think of that part in “Chronicles Of Narnia” when Prince Caspian finally comes face to face with Aslan and Aslan commands the kings and queens to rise. But Caspian stays nelt because he doesn’t believe he is ready to be a king. But Aslan replies “It is for this reason, I know you are.” It’s so crazy how God just knows exactly what  you need and when. And how even when YOU don’t exactly know who you are and who you want to be...He does! I can feel him just reassuring me everytime I start to doubt myself! He is so very good. I sent in another set of checks yesterday which brings me to $2,215.00 with almost $3,500 to go!! God will provide!! It’s still scary when I think about leaving though... I can’t believe I’m actually doing it!  It’s like now that we’re actually getting closer and closer to the time and to having it paid for I think it’s becoming more and more real! Yikes!! But I’m just trusting God! He has everything planned! Keep praying!!